It May Be Dark...

I don't know how long I sat there, I don't know how many smokes I had. I recall sometime in the early morning I just had to go out and get more smokes and went back home after. For a very long time it just seemed like I was constantly staring in to the darkness that engulfed my mind. And before I knew it the sun was up. Another sleepless night, another night of unnecessary pondering.

How the words tore at me at first, how many times I thought of just turning around and walking away from it all. Irrational thinking surely? At that time it certainly didn't seem like it. I've had enough of disappointment for many many years until the usual line would be 'I'm not looking for one'. Broken hearted some would say? Perhaps, but I grew numb to it over time. Or so I thought...

But you came along and changed all that. For a while you helped me leave the dark corner in which I had imprisoned myself for so long. Unshackled me from the chains which held me. No longer thrall to my own past fears. But I let those fears back in, and how fast they consumed me like locust to a harvest. How fast they overcame me like a pack of hyenas over an injured animal. How they laughed as they toyed with my mind. Poisoning it with memories long buried and forgotten.

I was torn, but you opened my eyes. Though they offered no comfort and pierced right into me, your words made me come to realise that I've been living in shadows. That I unconsciously plot my own downfall and lead myself to ruin. I have to break out from this prison which holds me. It may take a while, it may not. But that all depends on me really doesn't it?


Despair, doubt, suspicion...
Living in fear of the past robs us of the future.
Oh yes, it may be dark...
But beyond the clouds lies the sun.

And how I long to see it again...